Are Moms, Dads, and other Trust People Interchangeable?

Over the weekend, a radio interview with two authors was broadcasted in Germany. Quite a few people sent it to me, because the topic of the interview, and a book that two women had written, was "The lie of compatibility of having work and children". One of the premises was that mothers want to spend a lot of time with their children once these are born. I found it a bit of an irritating assumption, because I don't think all mothers do. The second premise was that mothers cannot be replaced by fathers. Again something irritating to me, because I am against the first premise exactly for this reason - I believe fathers can be equally good and fulfilling parents as mothers are. And the third premise, not even mentioned, was that a third trust person (e.g. grandparent, caretaker) cannot replace the role of a parent. I again disagree, at least in the short run, based on our own experiences.

So, a few questions:

- Are mothers unique (beyond giving birth and breastfeeding), especially in later years after infancy?

- Can fathers be just as good as mothers as parents?

- Can a "third party" be just as good of a caretaker?

Unforgettable Quotes

Here's a pretty hilarious list of quotes on what kids have said about marriage.

What are some of the funniest things your kids have said to you?

My younger son (now 2 years and 8 months) pointed to our wedding photo a few days ago and said "äiti, minä haluu naimissii" ("mommy, I want get married").

Wishing you all a Monday full of memorable moments!

Historical Breastfeeding

Thought you would enjoy this!

25 Historical Images That Normalize Breastfeeding

Pay attention to the captions ;)

On a more serious note, what do you think about the whole breastfeeding debate? A non-issue and simply all too American fuss? That's how I tend to think as I think breastfeeding is the most ordinary thing to do. It's about feeding the baby, for goodness sake!

Then again I have to admit that there are instances where it can go overboard, not just with being overly cautious but being overly flashy. There's the, "It's okay, I'll go and breastfeed my newborn in that filthy public toilet" which brings my blood to a boil. No, it's NOT okay to have to do that!

Then again I've been to a cocktail party where a gorgeous model-like woman fed her toddler with lots of boob out for display... Nourishment for all?Maybe going a bit far, I'd say, but then again I'm not a model so maybe I'm being jealous and prude.

What do you think?

Gendered upbringing?

I get asked about this a lot, and many of my friends have quite strong opinions (much stronger than mine) on the topic. How "gendered" should we be brining up our children who are born in the 21st century? How much do you a) think about the issue, b) control the issue, and c) Where would you draw lines that you personally don't want to cross (e.g. letting your boys hair grow waste-length at the age 6)?

How much TV for kids? A Charlie and the Chocolate Factory-inspired question.

Over the weekend, I read Roald Dahl's 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory' with my second daughter (who can read, but slowly, so we still read longer books for her). I'd read it as a child (have not seen the Johnny Depp movie), and remember liking it back then. As an adult, I think it is one of the best books ever. Actually, every parent with children aged 2 should read it. Without giving away too much, the main theme for a parent is how your actions (or reactions) influence the behavior of your child. It's simply delicious.

One of the children watches TV all of the time. My question today is: how much TV should children watch? With 'TV', I also include any youtube-clips or DVDs. Anything where children passively watch a screen. How much do your children watch each day, or over a week? Do you ration differently for your sons, in terms of time and what they watch? Do they watch alone, or with you? Who chooses what they watch?

F...ing Nuts

The New Yorker recently posted a rather amusing article online: New Parenting Study Released. In the spirit of Ape manure, what makes you go "f...ing nuts" as a parent? I'm assuming we all want to climb walls now and then ;)

Equality - among Parents

Just as tricky of a question as the previous one you posed (equality among children) is that of equality among parents. How do you think parenting tasks should be divided between parents? Is the woman the primary caretaker and manager of the household? What kind of role model do you and your husband try to be for your sons? Do you think you would try to be a different role model if you had a daughter?

The Usual Question

A new acquaintance of mine put it bluntly - do I treat my two children differently? Do I instinctively approach them differently because one is older and the other is younger or because of their personality differences?

My first reaction was defensive since, to my ear, this question seemed to imply an assumption that no siblings are treated equally, and one may be treated favorably over the other(s).

The fact that I have two young boys with less than a three year age gap means for me that I actually can relate to them quite similarly, especially as the younger son is now a toddler and no longer requires special infant attention.

No way would I ever want to treat them differently! At the same time it doesn't mean I treat them identically but I definitely strive for an equal relationship.

What do you think about this "usual question"? 

Memorable Parenting Moments

Off the top of your head, what are the most memorable parenting moments you have of your two sons? Perhaps it's something that comes to mind due to what has happened today, or something that you think about frequently. Try to capture the moment, image and feeling in writing - perhaps also so that you can one day share a "snapshot" with your son(s).

Photo Greetings from Berlin

I recently visited Checkpoint Charlie again, one of the border crossings between East and West Berlin, and spent some time in an Asisi panorama tower (with a 180 degree, 10 meter high panorama view of the Berlin with a wall, with changing sounds and lighting to create the feeling of being "present"). Hence an image in return from this city that has such a fascinating history. 

A young child is lifted up onto the Wall to celebrate the city's reunification in 1989

Getty Images

Photo Greetings from Hong Kong!

Good morning from Hong Kong!

Here's a photo of a Hong Kong mom and daughter. Not taken by me but on loan from Getty Images. It was in yesterday's news that Getty Images, the world's largest photo agency, is releasing millions of their photos for public use. So I had to try it out! Maybe we'll get some good Berlin photos as well?

How much should a woman be a mother?

Should women with children primarily be mothers? How would you quantify (is possible) your own role as a person, woman, wife, friend, and mother (please choose your set of identities and way of quantifying freely)? Is there an ideal, objective balance, and are there minimum times that one should spend on these specific roles, in your view - in particular on parenting? Please also explain how you think this changes as children grow up, and whether you are planning your own role also for the future, when your children are fairly independent - or whether you just take things a day at a time? (Lots of questions! Feel free to pick and choose and focus on what suits your situation and message.)

Parenting Books

Since we both live abroad we've had to rely on our on resources without the full safety net of friends and family around us. Did you read a lot of parenting guides when expecting your first child? Did you keep reading them later on? Did you find any good ones? 

What inspires us as parents?

Occasionally, we meet parents who inspire us. For example, a parent may manage to stay remarkably calm in moments of utter stress or even danger. Or they may have a special routine for how to manage with living a more balanced life. They may simply have an aura of coolness, which reminds us that we can age with style and in our own way, even with a snotty, screaming toddler on our side and chaos in our homes. There are of course parents - or situations - which cause us to raise our eyebrows or roll our eyes. But I'd love to hear about the prior here. Describe a few moments or situations, or issues you've encountered, that inspired you as a parent.

The Friend's Set of Questions

1) Please describe your typical day

2) What is your favorite moment of that typical day?

3) What moment do you struggle with the most?

4) When do you daydream?

5) What's the best part about bringing up a family in central Berlin?

6) What is the strangest parenting advice you have received?

7) What piece of advice would you like to give the typical Berlin mom?

8) What memories do you have your mom at your own current age?

9) You're a mom of two girls and a boy - are little girls and little boys very different?

10) What are your hopes for this brand new co-written blog?

Februar 19, 2014 - Ten Questions for a Close Friend

1. You have lived in many cities, countries, and on many continents. Please list all. I lose track!
2. How long have you lived in your current home? Is it home? What makes a home a home?
3. What has been the most delightful moment today?
4. What has worried you most today?
5. When you think of Berlin, what things come to mind first?
6. How far is the distance between Hong Kong and Berlin? Real and felt?
7. How long have we known each other for?
8. If there would be a symbol for our friendship, what would it be?
9. Do you hope or believe that tomorrow will be a better day than today?
10. Have you seen the sun shine today?