Over the weekend, I read Roald Dahl's 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory' with my second daughter (who can read, but slowly, so we still read longer books for her). I'd read it as a child (have not seen the Johnny Depp movie), and remember liking it back then. As an adult, I think it is one of the best books ever. Actually, every parent with children aged 2 should read it. Without giving away too much, the main theme for a parent is how your actions (or reactions) influence the behavior of your child. It's simply delicious.
One of the children watches TV all of the time. My question today is: how much TV should children watch? With 'TV', I also include any youtube-clips or DVDs. Anything where children passively watch a screen. How much do your children watch each day, or over a week? Do you ration differently for your sons, in terms of time and what they watch? Do they watch alone, or with you? Who chooses what they watch?
Finally my extended Easter break is over and it's back to business, back to work, and back to this blog. :)
ReplyDeleteWhat a fun set up to this good question. I do know the story but it's been a while since I read it (in part or in full?). I haven't read any Roald Dahl to the boys yet. Their attention span isn't quite up to longer books or more specifically story books with fewer pictures. It has to be under five sentences per picture to get both of them hooked! Hence we do a lot of speed reading where my younger son flips the pages rather quickly and I try my best to summarize the story at the speed of lightning...
So, to answer your question, I'm guessing you and I are nearly opposites when it comes to TV and media. I know for you TV and DVDs are special perks that you allow only occasionally. I, on the other hand, ban TV and DVDs only on particular occasions!
I think the key here is balance and knowing your kids. My husband and I don't have to argue with our boys about how much they watch as they know their set limits. They can watch a bit of Disney Channel on TV while they eat their breakfast and in the afternoon they can either watch a DVD cartoon OR play on the iPad or my android phone. They can do this daily but there are many days when they don't do or ask for either option (watching/playing). If they watch more on a particular day and ask to watch more the following day then I'll cut the time they watch that day. I wouldn't want them to watch and play computer games each and everyday. Going out and exploring is the best activity of all and at home we enjoy reading, painting, playing board games etc.
The moments they're allowed to watch are when they are waking up or slowing down, i.e. when they're tired. Usually they'll watch about 15 minutes in the morning and then about an hour in the afternoon if they watch a DVD. That's quite a lot for a 5 and 2.5 year old so they don't get that everyday. If they watch in the morning, they'll be allowed to watch less in the evening. Especially the afternoon TV break is one that unless they cool down and sit down for reading or TV/DVDs they'll be grumpy and bumpy, i.e. get into scrapes and tumbles or arguments.
Another key reason why I allow TV and DVDs is actually for acquiring language skills. I prioritize DVDs and Youtube clips in Finnish, our mother tongue. Since we live abroad the advantage is that they'll acquire vocabulary that's not limited to their own parents as the boys have limited hours of playtime in their first language. The same with English which is a language both are still learning - they need to pick up vocab and DVDs, TV, and especially language teaching apps are pretty great for that. I even have apps on the iPad that teach kids Mandarin (the second language they learn in kindergarten)!
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ReplyDeleteIt's amazing how quickly they learn to use multimedia. We have a small library (one small shelf) of kids' DVDs and my 2.5 year old will take his chair to reach into that shelf (above his height so he's not overly tempted to grab them all the time) and carefully choose what he wants to watch. Then he will insert the DVD skillfully in the player and hand the remote to an adult. My 5 year old knows how to do that too.
ReplyDeleteAnother, final, reason I let them watch and play is that it's the cultural environment I grew up in. My grandparents created the first children's programs for TV in Finland! Pretty amazing, if I do say so myself. The programs were really interactive and showed their own four boys and or an audience of kids doing a whole variety of activities together. There were puppets, reading books, singing, etc. Very creative and imaginative. I got to see some of those shows when I was a kid. My parents let us watch quite a bit but they also made a (strong) point of having a balance in everything - it was fine to watch a program but when it was over you HAD to do something else, preferably outdoors. So we did do a lot, my favorite activity being drawing and my brother's playing on the computer (hm... I think he had to give up quite a bit of his TV time to be allowed all those games). Some weekends we'd rent three movies, one for the kids, one for the whole family, and one for the parents. We'd watch the middle one together, all lazing on the couch together, nibbling on yummy food. Those were moments of bonding, even if passive but still moments of relaxation and closeness.
That's what I do with my boys too, I grab both on my lap and we cuddle together. Sometimes I watch with them, most of the time I do this (blog!).lt. My 5 year old knows how to do that too.
Another, final, reason I let them watch and play is that it's the cultural environment I grew up in. My grandparents created the first children's programs for TV in Finland! Pretty amazing, if I do say so myself. The programs were really interactive and showed their own four boys and or an audience of kids doing a whole variety of activities together. There were puppets, reading books, singing, etc. Very creative and imaginative. I got to see some of those shows when I was a kid. My parents let us watch quite a bit but they also made a (strong) point of having a balance in everything - it was fine to watch a program but when it was over you HAD to do something else, preferably outdoors. So we did do a lot, my favorite activity being drawing and my brother's playing on the computer (hm... I think he had to give up quite a bit of his TV time to be allowed all those games). Some weekends we'd rent three movies, one for the kids, one for the whole family, and one for the parents. We'd watch the middle one together, all lazing on the couch together, nibbling on yummy food. Those were moments of bonding, even if passive but still moments of relaxation and closeness.
That's what I do with my boys too, I grab both on my lap and we cuddle together. Sometimes I watch with them, most of the time I do this (blog!).
How could one possibly be against a session where parents and children cuddle together and spend quality time together? Or where children are educated in their mother tongue, beyond what a parent can teach?
ReplyDeleteSome of my own most powerful childhood moments involve watching movies with my parents. Although far too young - now in retrospect - I watched movies like "Passage to India", "Ghandi", "The Last Emperor" with them when I was 7 or 8. (We unfortunately never discussed what we saw, but I value the insights and experience).
Funnily, you commented exactly after we'd watched the movie version of "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" (the kids loved it, and I found it well made as well). It was an awfully cold and rainy day, and as we were out at the lake, where we don't have toys and only few books, we had a movie day (just 1 though, and my son - 3 - watched only 5 minutes - he doesn't like watching for longer).
I think your point about balance and time are key. There's nothing wrong with TV per se - although I do have opinions on how much c***p there is for kids, and how many kids watch stuff that is completely beyond what their age group should be watching - without parental control or supervision, or even knowledge. But what harm is there in 15 minutes in the morning, and a short show in the afternoon. As long as the kids move, spend time outdoors, and are not "rewarded" with TV and candy galore for hours and hours on end, or simply parked there for half a day, because parents can't control them…
I know that in many societies and families, TV is like the radio: it runs in the background, and families function and do things as if it were not on. What I find problematic is if that life is restricted to watching and doing everything while watching. If there's no conversation, fresh air, movement, play, creativity.
I myself was allowed to watch a lot of TV as a child. I used to watch a lot of trash also as an adult - and feel horribly frustrated, watching things I'd hate, just because I was too tired to do other things. I made a conscious decision at some point simply to stop watching, other than occasionally. I now only watch series (rarely) or movies (more frequently) - but perhaps that will change when I have more own time again, when the kids are older, and I have more time to fill.
So, perhaps our opinions on this are not as far apart as you expected? ;)
Only noticed your reply now, hence the long delay in getting back to this issue!
ReplyDeleteOh, you're right, we're not as polar on this issue as I assumed! I relate to a lot of what you wrote about here.
I too grew up in a household where - I felt - the TV was on nearly constantly when we were at home. On the plus side were those cuddly moments, but on the negative side there was a lot of what I didn't want to watch, namely a LOT of sports ;) The latter didn't have a negative effect, though, as having to glimpse at soccer world cups got me into playing soccer myself!
Once I moved in with my now-husband, we settled into very little TV. He's not used to having the TV on for the sake of it being on (in case something interesting happens to come on... which it often doesn't). And I too prefer it this way. Nowadays I'm very picky with TV, and even movies.
And I definitely veto what the boys watch. We do compromise a little since they happen to like things I don't love (I prefer cute and cuddly, they like their action). But I too had a bit of a shock yesterday when my older son's classmate told me how he'd loved the newest Spiderman and Batman movies. He's 5!! Even I find the new Batman movies intense... I think there's plenty of time for those experiences later but there will come a time when Bob the Builder is not such a hit.
I like to cherish kids' sweetness and (groan, cliche word) innocence. Like yesterday my 5 year old asked me if the cartoon scene he was watching could happen in real life as well (I said not really, kids are not really put in jail) and then he replied with a sigh of relief that "of course not, there are no bad kids." My heart was full of love at him and his positive outlook and my heart was sad that this fundamental truth of all people being equal and good is not lived out in reality.